So the second year of spending holidays without your spouse really sucks the big one! Last year, I guess we were both so excited.... we were excitedly anticipating the birth of our little sweet pea - and we thought we were only going to have to do this for 5 months. We were planning on spending this Christmas at home together with just our little family - and here we are still dealing with this stupid deployment.
Can I just say (imagine me jumping up and down sing songing this) FOUR MORE MONTHS, JUST FOUR MORE MONTHS, ONLY FOUR MORE MONTHS and we'll be together again!
I have a new appreciation for the single parents of the world if I haven't already mentioned that. I mean, there are days when I just can't be a very good parent having to do it full time, 24/7. I am the only one feeding her, changing her diapers, consoling her, playing with her, changing her diapers, putting her down for naps, bathing her, helping her get to sleep, playing with her, changing her diapers, etc. etc. etc. The other day (consider this the confession of my sin) she was whining in the back seat of the car, in her carseat. Not for any particular reason, or a reason I still don't know. I was so tired, I said quite loudly (and probably whining myself), "STOP WHINING! I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU ARE WHINING AND I CAN'T HELP YOU!" Then I shoved the pacifier in her mouth, not hard, but not gently, either. I felt like a horrible mother. Fortunately days like that don't occur very often. In fact, that's the only one I've had like that. It used to be, when I wasn't sleeping worth a darn at night, that I would put her in her swing when she wouldn't fall asleep quickly and I didn't have the energy to keep bouncing her or rocking her or whatever her preference was that morning, so I could go back to bed. I think I may have done that 4 times. There are just those days when you can't do it. Who knew parenting would be so darn demanding.
I've also been considering going back to work part time. I am really torn on this. I don't want her in daycare full time, but I have to pay for it full time. There are some advantages to this - I would have more than just mom's morning out if I needed it. But then, I look at her little smiling face when I hold her up above my head, and I think about how much less time I'll have to play "airplane" and read books and hold her and talk to her and just love the heck out of her..... Sometimes I wish the decisions were already made for me...... Regardless, it would be nice to have the opportunity to talk things like this over with someone - like my absent husband. Darn deployment!
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